Okay, guys. It’s time to get into the nitty-gritty serious journalism, Househusbands. This silly little post will dive into the best husbands throughout the Real Housewives franchises. You’re welcome, just out here doing the lords work.

I would be remiss if I didn’t start this list with Mauricio Umansky. I mean, do I even need to say anything more? He runs a massively successful real estate business in California and has been married to Kyle for 26 years. The hottest househusband (though Juan Dixon is a close second.) Kyle is cool and all, but Mauricio could literally have anyone in this world, and he still chooses Kyle. Plus, he is a girl dad, with FIVE daughters (the oldest is from Kyle’s first marriage.) King.

Next up, Chris Laurita. Though his wife, Jacqueline, isn’t on New Jersey anymore, I can’t make this list without including Chris. This man loved his family and took so much better care of his step-daughter than she deserved back then (she was a BRAT.) He started ‘blk. water’ with his nephews, we love a business AND family man. The episode where their non-verbal autistic son says “I love you” for the first time and Chris cries?! Fucking swoon. This man is loyal, and his family is “thick as thieves.” (Shout out to his sister Caroline, a RHONJ ICON.)

This paragraph is for short King, Todd Tucker. Really, it should be Todd Burruss because he is married to 90’s singer-songwriter icon/business bitch, Kandi Burruss. But that is part of why I love Todd so much. Do you know how confident a man has to be to fall in love with a business Queen like Kandi? I was an amateur improviser who attended the number one public university in Texas, and I had an ex who couldn’t even handle that. S/o to you, Todd.

Kim Zolciak Biermann is no longer on Atlanta, and she hasn’t been for a while. But this list would not be complete without her husband, Kroy Biermann, former Atlanta Falcons linebacker. This man adopted Kim’s two children and gave them a father neither of them had ever had. WHO KNOWS what would have happened to those kids if Kroy hadn’t come along; Kim was chaos in the beginning seasons until she met him. I mean, he pulled Kim’s IUD out with his bare hands on national television. To 15 year old Tori, that was peak love. Not to mention, the man really does have an incredible ass. God bless.

Last, but certainly not least is Evan Goldschneider. This man also sits at the top of the list for hottest househusband. He’s so supportive of his wife Jackie, and always stands by her side. In the last season of New Jersey, she dove into her decades-long eating disorder and he was so supportive in getting her the help she needed. Also, his concern that his children might pick up on her eating habits and develop disordered eating themselves was so sweet. We love a dad who’s outwardly protective of their kid’s mental health. Jackie may be boring, but I am never mad to see Evan on my screen.

I feel like this should go without saying, but there are some real dummies out there, so let me be clear. All I know about these people is what they have shared on TV; I do not know them personally. So don’t come for me, Bravosphere. And if I left one of your fav husbands out, please let me know so I can decide if I agree with that or not. Who knows, maybe there will be a part two. I know you all will be waiting with bated breath.

-Tor